I should warn you…I am climbing on a soap box…possible rant ahead.
Every Wednesday night a group of my girlfriends (all teachers) and I hit the town for a rousing ladies’ night. Okay, truthfully most Wednesdays we end up at Cracker Barrel-yea, not all that rousing. And, we used to meet at 6:30-7:00, but lately we have moved the time back to 5:30-6:00 in order to be done earlier so we can go to bed earlier-translated: we are getting old. However, one time we did cause a couple at Applebees to ask for a different table because apparently we were having too much fun for them. (Sidenote: I don’t think Applebees is the place to go if you expect a quiet, intimate, romantic dinner-but then, that’s just my opinion.) Well, last night we got adventurous and headed downtown for a trendy restaurant. (And I am not ashamed to admit a few of us even donned sweatpants to celebrate the event-and by a few of us, I mean the other girls.) Okay, when I say trendy restaurant picture industrial space, brick walls, exposed ducts, big bar, limited seating, etc. But, I live in a small, conservative, southern town, so even our trendy restaurants that attract local singles (young and old…currently I am picturing the old, loud, drunk lady at the bar next to our table), the environment remains family friendly. At least, I always thought so. One negative of the downtown hotspot is that there is typically a LONG wait…a seriously LONG wait. I am not very good at waiting in any aspect of my life. However, I have discovered when the waiting is only for minutes (or almost an hour as may be the case) rather than say, years, I can survive by people watching. So, last night as we waited for a table, I observed the other parties who came in to dine. Apparently we were not the only ones who had the idea for a “ladies’ night.” About five minutes after we arrived a group of what I would assume were college girls (heaven forbid they were any younger), entered wearing minimal clothing. Might I add, it IS January for crying out loud? Anyway, it was a rather large group, say 6 girls, and so it was hard to take them all in at once. Most were in short, black skirts and or dresses, and by short I mean above mid-thigh, lacey tights, thigh-high boots, tank tops, I think you get the point. I even looked around to see if somehow we had inadvertently made our way into a downtown night club instead of an eatery. Well, out of the midst of the pack emerged the leader. She sauntered up to the hostess stand, slightly bent over (I would assume in order to be heard over the before mentioned old, loud, drunk lady at the bar) and again assuming here, gave the hostess her name. Actually, I can’t be sure what she said, or even that she was having a conversation, because when she slightly leaned her SWEATER that she somehow mistook as a DRESS inched up even further (as if it really had anywhere to go) and I had to bite my tongue so as not to embarrass my friends by breaking out in, “I see London, I see France…” Unfortunately, the underpants were so minimalistic I am not even sure I would have been justified in singing that rhyme. I was absolutely, completely, totally, horribly mortified. Especially when the 7 year-old sitting next to us with her obviously appalled mother and father leaned over to tell her mom that she also could see “Victoria’s Secret.” Okay, let’s face it, everyone around this girl was staring and whispering. And yes, it was probably judgmental, and yes, she has the right to dress how she chooses, but then she had no right to get upset when others began to stare and whisper. I am sorry, but I am of the opinion that the ONLY reason you dress that way is to get attention. You don’t put on a long sweater, pretend it is a dress, and go out thinking “Boy, I hope no one notices that my rear end almost hangs out in this. I really would hate to get any extra attention.” (I am prepared to argue this point, judgmental or not.) However, regardless of “rights” my point (and my soap box) is much larger than all of this. I have to ask myself why. Why, when I take my little nine-year-old sister shopping, do I feel like the clothes options are less for a nine-year-old and more for a nine-year-old version of a 21 year-old (and an inappropriate 21 year-old at that)? Why, when I drive down the road with my brother or dad or guy friends do I feel like I should have to cover their eyes because of the billboards lining the road? Why do we as a society have absolutely no concept of modesty anymore??
And now as I climb on my soap box, I should preface this rant with a statement:
I love fashion. And I would like to think that I am a reasonably well-dressed, somewhat fashionable, teacher (yes, that may be an oxy-moron). However, one of the best compliments I have ever received is that I don’t look like a teacher;) I do not believe you have to sacrifice fashion and looking nicely put-together for modesty. (As a matter of fact, I think if you walk around in sweat pants, yoga pants, and especially pajama pants in public on a fairly consistent basis, we probably need to have a talk also. But, at least those pants cover what needs to be covered.) Anyway, there are creative, fashionable, and even cute ways to dress in the latest trends without looking…let’s say inappropriate (for lack of a better term…well, I have better terms-I’m just not sure I should use those terms in print.;)
So, where has modesty gone?
Society tells us that in order to attract a man women not only have to look a certain way, they must also dress a certain way-and typically that way is to “show-off” the certain way that you look. Let me ask you a question, ladies. What kind of man are you hoping to attract (or if you already have your man, what kind of man are you hoping your daughters/sisters/friends will attract)? I would guess the majority of you who read my blog are hoping to attract a Godly man whose main desire in life is to love and serve God with his whole heart. If this is the case, chances are he is looking for the same kind of woman. And, that sweater “dress” (or whatever immodest piece of clothing you may wear) does not scream “Proverbs 31” woman over here. I want to be pursued. I am worth being pursued. For heaven’s sakes, Christ left heaven, came to earth, suffered and died, and pursued me because He loved me. I am worth a man having to do a little work to win me. But, if we walk around exposing too much why would a man pursue us? We have destroyed part of the mystery of the pursuit.
I have often heard it said that whatever you had to do to attract your man, you will have to do to keep him. Don’t get me wrong, I want to be physically attractive to the man I marry. However, if all I have going for me in his eyes is the way I look, I am in trouble! The Bible tells us that beauty is fleeting. I WILL get old, I MAY get wrinkles;) Chances are I won’t be running marathons 20 years from now, which may mean my body will…ummm…change. But, if my man falls in love with my heart, with my desire to know the Lord, to love the Lord, to serve the Lord, hopefully those things will only increase in my life over the years. I pray I will only grow to become MORE like Christ as the years go by. His love, His beauty, His grace shining through me…causing my countenance to glow-I want THAT to be the attracting factor for my man-NOT my body and the clothes I wear to flaunt it.
I am a teacher. I teach 4th grade, nine-year-old girls. Every year I am more and more astounded by the amount of time these girls spend talking about their weight and the way they appear. It saddens me as I know most of these girls haven’t even reached puberty yet, they still have their little girl faces and some little girl chubbiness, and yet they are worried about the nutritional value of their granola bar for snack because they think they are, “SOO fat.” Who has made these girls think that way? Surely most nine-year-olds aren’t born to eventually believe they are fat. To what are they comparing themselves? Or perhaps we should be asking the better question-what kind of role models are we giving them for a comparison? I think (and I could be a bit prideful in this thinking), but I think my little sister looks up to me. I think that (most days) she thinks I hung the moon. Knowing that she is watching me and wants to be like me should make me question how I dress, how I talk, how I act in front of her. Most of us would never use inappropriate language in front of younger kids. And yet, many of us have no problem (or just don't think about) talking about how “fat we are” or how much “weight we have gained, ugh,” in front of our sisters, daughters, etc. Please know, I am preaching to the choir here. And it really hit home when over Christmas vacation my little sister said to me (after stepping on the scale), “Oh that is ridiculous. No nine- year-old should ever weigh THAT much.” And here-in lies the problem: when we put all of the emphasis on our bodies and the way our bodies look, we only confirm the message that society sends…your worth lies in how you look. You are only valuable to (fill-in-the-blank) if you wear a certain size, have certain measurements, etc. And indeed, the only way to attract someone is if you flaunt said measurements. Inadvertently, and I am certain quite unintentionally, our focus on our weight, our bodies, may be leading our younger generation right into that store in the mall that I mentioned earlier where 9 year-olds can purchase mini-versions of a 21 year-old's clubbing clothes.
I am a fixer. When I see a problem, I want to solve it. I am also a rule follower. I would love nothing better than to give you a list of “modesty rules.” Ay, but there’s the rub. There are good intentioned people with the personal conviction that no man or woman should ever show his/her thigh. While this is not my personal conviction, I would rather err on the side of caution and being overly modest than the other side. The Bible doesn’t specifically tell me that a higher than mid-thigh black mini is inappropriate (at least not in those exact words). However, the Bible does tell me that every aspect of my life should be lived to bring honor and glory to my Lord and Savior. I am His poem to the world. And what I wear reflects significantly about who I am and whose I am. Think about it, you identify referees in ball games due to their stripes. When I cannot find my favorite coffee at Wal-Mart I immediately search for a blue-vested, smiling employee. Their clothing gives them an identity and identifies what they do. I want my clothing to identify me as a princess of the King, as one that wholeheartedly follows Him. I don’t necessarily want my clothing to draw attention to ME and MY body, but to draw attention to the One IN me. For those of you who are still looking for a bit more guidance, or more practical “rules” check out Dannah Gresh’s Six Ways to Keep the “Little” in your Girl. She gives modesty “tests” for clothing and even accompanies each test with a picture (for all of you visual learners). (By the way, great book and great resource anyway-even if you feel like you already have a handle on the modesty issue! And she has a website http://www.secretkeepergirl.com/ which contains a modesty project.) For those of you who aren’t currently raising/influencing the lives of young ladies, check out Nancy Leigh DeMoss’s The Look: Does God Really Care What I Wear for yourself. Another great resource that will likely challenge the way you think about and answer the age old, “What will I wear tomorrow?” dilemma.
Okay, climbing off of my soap box. I am going to go put on some sweat pants and curl up with a book-on my couch. By the way, as far as I am concerned, sweat pants are perfectly acceptable “curl-up-on-the-couch” attire…(but don’t let me catch you at the grocery store with them on!)
