To-Do List for Finding Hope

I woke up this morning with a heavy heart. Anxious. I don't typically live in fear. For whatever reason my siblings all seemed to get the "scaredy-cat" gene. However, I am more or less fearless. But, a few months ago my parents and littlest sister moved to Florida. Not far from Orlando. And with all that has happened there in the last few days, it is unnerving. In addition, my Florida family has been making frequent overseas trips. My dad just left for another one today. And I will admit it, I am a bit uneasy. So, I woke up praying this morning-praying for my family, my dad, our country. As I prayed, I was reminded of what God told Solomon immediately following the dedication of the temple. It had been a joyous time for the people of God. I Chronicles 7:10 says, "....he (Solomon) sent the people away to their homes, joyful and glad of heart for the prosperity that the Lord had granted to David and to Solomon and to Israel his people." However, that very night God appeared to Solomon and told him that WHEN (not IF) he shut up the heavens and there was no rain, or commanded the locust to devour the land, then, "If my people who are called by my name humble themselves, and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and heal their land." (II Chronicles 7:14) And realization washed over me and I felt that peace that passes all understanding. Because, ya'll, healing for our country doesn't depend on our government. It doesn't depend on their decisions regarding marriage or bathrooms. Healing for our country doesn't depend on our President. It doesn't depend on the phraseology he uses or doesn't use when he refers to the most recent horrific attacks; it doesn't even depend on our right to bear arms. Healing for our land depends on God and HIS PEOPLE. That's me. And, if you are a Christian, that's YOU! It depends on God's people. My dad always says faithful Christians have a hard enough time acting Christ-like. How can we then expect the unregenerate to act as redeemed? We can't. God doesn't. He expects HIS PEOPLE, to do several things: 

1-Humble ourselves. Realize we are but dust and in desperate need of His all-sufficient grace. 

2-Pray. When we pray we are acknowledging that we are not in control. We are surrendering to His Sovereignty. We are continuing to humble ourselves. And according to James 5:16, "The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."  

3-Seek His face. Seek: to go in search of or quest of. In I John the Bible tells us that the Word became flesh and dwelt among us. To seek God, to seek His face, is to search the Word, Scripture. 

4-Turn from your wicked ways. In Psalm 139:23-24 the Psalmist asks God to, "Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts; And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!" God is faithful. He will reveal our wickedness, our grievous ways. But then, by His death-defeating power, we must TURN from our wicked ways. We must turn to the faithful, righteous, narrow way. 

THEN He will hear from heaven, forgive our sins, and heal our land! My type A (triple A?), list-making, list-checking personality loves this. Follow these steps and there is a predictable, sure outcome! What hope!  

Hope is my favorite word. I have it tattooed on my wrist with an anchor. Because hope is an anchor for our souls. 

According to I Peter, hope is living! It is alive. Because our ultimate hope, healed land or not, is found in our imperishable, undefiled, and unfading inheritance, kept in heaven for us. Our inheritance is guarded by God the Father, through faith, for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. (I Peter 1) Our ultimate hope that will anchor our souls, that will ease our anxiety, that will calm our uneasiness is that our fire-tested faith will produce for us an eternal (FOREVER) glory.  "Our light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal." (II Corinthians 4:17-18). 

I. AM. SELFISH.

I'm just putting it out there.  Admission is the first step, right? And I admit, I am selfish.  This has become quite evident to me in the last few months.  Although, looking back on my life, I am sure it was evident to everyone else long before now.  

My church ladies are currently studying the book of Ruth together.  Ruth is my middle name.  I used to loathe it as an old lady name.  But, as I read and reread the story of Ruth, I am thankful to be named after such a faithful, Godly, courageous woman.  In an attempt to know all I can about my namesake I picked up Sinclair Ferguson's book A Faithful God.  In the beginning chapters of his commentary on Ruth, Mr. Ferguson proposes that Naomi's bitter circumstances were allowed by a loving God for the conversion of Ruth.  I don't like my life circumstances sometimes.  I have sailed some troubled waters the last few years.  But, if it were all for the conversion of one, would I count those situations as "worth it?"  Would I be willing to endure them again for the redemption of one soul?  Heaven help me, I don't know that I can honestly say that I would.  So, when it comes right down to it, this confession means that comfort, temporary satisfaction, and self are my gods.  I have idols.  I am an idolater.  

In Romans 9:3 Paul says, "For I wish that I myself were accursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my brothers..."  Naomi endured hard times, extremely hard times, willingly or not, that led to the conversion of Ruth.  Paul is willing, WISHING, that he could give up his salvation, his relationship with His Lord and Savior, for the sake of his kinsman.  While there is a chance I would relive the hard times of the last few years for the salvation of someone I love, I am hard pressed to think of one person that I love so dearly that I would wish to surrender my own salvation for theirs. This is nothing to be proud of, but it would be a lie for me to claim otherwise.   Go ahead and judge me; I have already judged myself.  I am selfish.  I warned you of that at the beginning of all of this.  

My parents relocated recently to the sunshine state.  As such, we had a white Christmas.  And by white Christmas I mean white sandy beaches and white hot heat.  Their new church is involved in a ministry of feeding the homeless on a monthly basis.  It just so happened that the Monday before Christmas was their day to go downtown, and I was in town.  In theory I like the idea of serving others.  But, again, my selfishness reminds me that in truth, I like serving for the warm and fuzzy feeling I get more than anything.  Sigh.  After the meal there was a service.  I have never seen people with so little praise God with so much.  They were thanking Him for Christmas: not the gifts they would be getting for Christmas.  Because there weren't any.  Not the big meal they would be enjoying on Christmas day.  Because there wasn't one.  Not the family or friends they would be spending time with.  Because they had none.  They were praising Him for Christmas, simply that-the sending of His Son for their salvation.  

I had dinner with a dear friend a couple of weeks ago.  We were discussing a very serious, very hard, life-altering, situation currently concerning her family.  A situation that puts my last two years into perspective pretty.darn.quick.  With every good intention many Christians have reassured my friend, K, that "God works all things together for our good."  So many people forget the second half of that verse..."for the good of them that love Him AND ARE CALLED ACCORDING TO HIS PURPOSE."  And ladies and gentlemen, as Christians our primary purpose is to glorify Him.  While in our human understanding we may think we know what is most glorifying to God.  We don't.  We aren't God and His ways are not our ways-they are infinitely higher than our ways.  Thank heavens.  Because my ways are selfish and sinful.  It occurred to me in the midst of said conversation, God is receiving more glory through my singleness at the moment (and perhaps forever), than through answering "yes" to my relentless prayers for a mate.  Me being able to live single with joy and contentment is only by His strength in my weakness.  My selfishness, most times, desires a yes answer to my prayer more than His glory.  Emphatic sigh.

In 2016 I want to be less concerned with my own comfort, and more concerned about the lost.  Less concerned about my sleep and more concerned about waking up to spend time with the Lord.  Less concerned about new clothes/shoes/purses/make-up (fill in the blank) and more concerned with giving.  Less concerned with my desires and more concerned with His glory.  Less selfish and more selfless.  And if admission to a problem is truly the first step, then by God's grace, I am headed in the right direction.

(Don't) Follow your Heart

I recently moved.  Got a new roommate, which came with a dog.  My life is exponentially more exciting than when I lived alone and petless.  None of that really matters, however.  The point here is my roomie loves all things girly:  glitter, sparkles, dressing up, fashion.  As a result, her ministry heart is really teenage girls. She works in the advertising/marketing world, even interning with a big magazine in NYC, and has noticed a lack of "girly" resources for teenage girls.  We remember growing up with a magazine for Christian girls put out by a famous ministry which was supposed to be the Christian-friendly version of Seventeen or Teen Vogue.  That magazine no longer exists.  So, my roommate has started her own.  It's in the very beginning stages, but I have such high hopes for its success!  Being my roommate she is obligated to let me write for it (I put it on the lease conditions!), and being her roommate, I am trying to garner support for it.  So, today I am giving you a sneak peek into the first article I have written for Etching Hearts.  And, when I say sneak peek I mean it; this article hasn't even been published yet and the site probably won't even go completely live until January! 

(Don’t)

Admittedly I am a little old for the neon, graphic, loose fitting tank top craze that seemingly swept the nation this summer.  I may or may not have had a neon tank top with matching scrunchie and slap bracelet circa 1989.  My friend Cathy has a rule, if you wore it the first time it was popular, you can’t wear it when everything old is new again.  So, I abstain.  However, unless you live under a rock, I am sure you have taken notice of these tanks.  One of the cliché catch phrases I see faux spray painted on glowing yellow is “Follow your Heart.”  You know the one I am talking about, right?  It seems to be a pretty popular sentiment that our culture begins teaching girls at a young age.  Disney’s Pocahantas tells us to “Listen with your heart, and you will understand.”  Cinderella II’s theme song is entitled, “Follow your Heart.”  The Land Before Time, not even a princess movie, tells kids, “Let your heart guide you.  It whispers, so listen closely.”  I found this on pinterest:

Funny, right?  But perhaps more than funny, the joke is actually on to something.  Is following your heart the answer to all of your dreams coming true?  (Okay, if there were dark chocolate brownies and vanilla gelato in that fridge, well, it may have led me to the fulfillment of all of my wishes!)  Have you seen those “Caution: Danger Ahead” road signs?   I really want to carry a few of those around to covertly slap on the back of the “Follow your Heart” tanks…you know, like the mean kids always did with “kick me” signs in elementary school.  Because really, here’s the truth girls:  You CANNOT trust your hearts!

As believers we should always test the advice we are given against the Word of God.  Don’t let anyone tell you there are no absolute truths in this world, because God’s Word is just that…absolute truth.  It can absolutely be trusted, in every situation, for all time!  The Bible has a lot to say about our hearts.  Perhaps the most relevant to our current fashion discussion is one found in the book of Jeremiah.  Jeremiah was a prophet writing to the nation of Judah, God’s chosen people, warning them of the dangers of turning from God, but also reminding them of the promised blessings if they would follow Him.  Not to mention, following God, obedience, faithfulness, that was always for Judah’s own good anyway.  As a Christ follower, YOU are God’s chosen daughter.  Following God with your whole heart, obedience, faithfulness, will always be for your own good.  So, listen carefully to the words in Jeremiah 17:9, “The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked; who can know it?”  Hmmm, how much trust do you place in someone described as deceitful above all things and desperately wicked??  How far would you be willing to follow that person?  I wouldn’t follow a person like that as far as I could throw him. 

There are many Christian traditions that begin their prayer services with a general prayer of confession found in the Book of Common Prayer.  Part of the confession is as follows, “We have followed too much the devices and desires of our own hearts.  We have offended against Thy holy laws.”  See the progression?  Following the devices and desires of our own deceitful hearts often leads us to offending God’s holy laws.  

Thankfully, God did not leave us without anything to follow.   Proverbs 3:5-6 tells us to, “…lean not on your OWN understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him and HE shall direct your steps.”  (emphasis mine)  Our road map is the Word of God.  It is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness according to II Timothy 3:16.  When we fill our hearts and our minds with the Word of God, with His absolute truth, then we can trust HIM.  I know back to school time is super busy…no really, I know, because I am a teacher!  All of that work you are doing, well I am grading it, times twenty students.  However, you cannot afford to get so busy that you neglect the Word of God.  If you already have a set aside time each day to spend alone with God and His Word, let this be an encouragement to you to continue.  If you don’t, I hope this encourages you to start.  Find a good devotional podcast to download and listen to as you ride the bus or drive to school.  Get up ten minutes earlier and spend some time reading the Word and singing some praise songs.  Write down a Scripture verse on a notecard, tape it to your bathroom mirror, and commit to memorize it during the week.  Do SOMETHING to infiltrate your heart and mind DAILY with God’s Word.  Your heart may lead you on a path to the fridge, or worse, but “all the paths of the Lord are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and His testimonies.” (Psalm 25:10)

Resources:

Jeremiah 17:9 and Proverbs 3:5-6 taken from NKJV

II Timothy 3:16 taken from the NIV

Psalm 25:10 taken from the ESV

Book of Common Prayer (not copyrighted and can be freely reproduced)

   

My New Essentials

I absolutely love fall in Virginia.  I am close enough to the Blue Ridge Parkway to witness the beauty of the blue ridges turning golden hued.  The air is crisp and the humidity, ever so active in the summer, takes its own vacation each fall.  The earth, turning on its axis, places our little Virginia town at a perfect angle for blazing citrus sunsets and cotton-candy-pink sunrises.  It is as near to perfect as this broken earth can be.  And yet, fall for this girl means awful, horrendous, horrific, terrible, allergies.  I have suffered from allergies as long as I can remember: runny nose, itchy eyes, and worst of all, sinus headaches that often progress into migraines.

About two weeks ago I found myself on day 3 of a horrible sinus migraine.  I had tried all of my normal remedies: over the counter medication, saline sinus rinse, menthol rub, nose sprays-nothing, and I mean NOTHING, was touching this one.  It was to the point of nausea and an aura from the headache and I was barely functioning.  The sinus headache was the culmination of about two weeks of suffering from a full fledged allergy attack.  I was miserable.  

I am an avid Pinterest user.  I kept coming across all of these things on Pinterest about essential oils.  I knew my friend Jessi, who suffered from horrible migraines for years, had found great success using essential oils.  (This was after trying LOTS of prescription meds, chiropractors, acupuncturist, etc.)  So, I contacted her.  Turns out, she had so much success that she now places monthly orders and allows her friends and family, and even friend-in-laws ( you know friends of friends who are essentially strangers to you) order on her order.  So, I ordered a Young Living blend called "Raven" which is supposed to support your sinuses and respiratory system.

 For good measure, I also ordered Young Living "Lavender" which supports any number of things!

 Thankfully she had some samples so I was able to get my hands on the oil before the order came in and ya'll, I am not lying when I tell you I had almost IMMEDIATE relief for my head.  She showed me the vita flex points for sinuses (on your hands and feet) and I rubbed the blend of raven and lavender on my sinuses and those vita flex points, and within 30 minutes my sinus headache/migraine was GONE.  It gets better....I have continued to use the Lavender daily, usually morning and night, and it has supported my sinuses and respiratory system so well, I have needed no other support.  Nor have I had bad allergies, at all, since I started using the oil.  And, we have kept the windows open all day and night at my humble abode.  (Bonus: lavender is also supposed to be supportive of the endocrine system, helping hair grow longer and healthier...here's hoping!)

Nothing is perfect, and I will admit to one slight problem I have with the oils.  There are SO many and Jessi is so good about researching the different uses for me, that I now want to order no less than 20.  My plan is to add an oil a month to my collection. 

In my (very) limited and novice experience I would recommend starting with lavender if you are new to oils.  It has so many beneficial uses.  What about you?  Have any of you had great success with essential oils?  How do you take them?  Topically or in capsules?  Do you use the vita flex points or just slap 'em on wherever you're ailing?  Any secret tricks or combinations you have discovered?  Please share in the comments section.  I am always looking for more natural ways to help my body.  

Also, if you want to jump on this miracle oil band wagon, contact Jessi Walker at bwalk7@hotmail.com or find her on facebook at BuckandJessi Walker.  

I am not Happy

Ya'll, I am not happy.  I haven’t been happy in a really long time.  There have been moments of happiness-highlights, memories, delight, but as a collective whole-I’m wholly unhappy.   I read Ann Voskamp.  I learned how to make eloquent lists of things to be thankful for, although, in full disclosure, chasing the moon never made my list.  I still wasn’t happy.  I shopped.  A lot.  I have a pretty cute wardrobe these days, I mean if I do say so myself.  Still unhappy.  I ate.  Then I exercised.  Endorphins, chocolate or exercise induced, didn’t matter.  Nothing changed.  Still not happy.  I won’t go into a whole lot of detail, but as far as I’m concerned, my circumstances kind of stink.  I don’t care for them.  In the least.  And no amount of counting my blessings, shopping, eating, or exercising is going to change my circumstances.  So, I remain unhappy. 

I know, what a Debbie Downer I am today.  I mean, we are mere months away from the “most wonderful time of the year.”  And for heaven’s sake, football season is in full swing and there is a college play -off this year…I mean, how can I not be happy?  Because, happiness is completely dependent upon my circumstances, dependent upon (most) things that I have absolutely no control over-and remember, those circumstances?  Yea, they stink.  But, thank heavens, (no really, thank heavens!)  my joy has absolutely nothing  to do with my circumstances.     In an ironic twist of Sovereignty, our women’s Bible study at my church this fall has a one word, monosyllabic title: Joy.  I have been reminded that joy, most often in the Bible is an action; it’s a verb.  It is less often an emotion or feeling, because JOY, has NOTHING to do with my situation and EVERYTHING to do with my eternity.  Joy is a choice, an action, based solely on my eternal hope and my inward salvation.  Joy comes from a right relationship with my Lord and Savior.  And here’s the truth that I really didn’t want to be reminded of: my circumstances are God-ordained.  Those outward situations that are making me less than happy, those are all part of God’s great-big, gospel purpose in my life and quite possibly, hopefully, in others’ lives. 

The apostle Paul writes all about joy and rejoicing in Philippians, and as a quick reminder, he was writing that book from prison.  Talk about less than ideal circumstances.  It was Philippians 1: 29 that got me, “ For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ, not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for Him…”  My belief in my Savior is a grace gift, but ummm, my suffering is also a grace gift?  A gift ON BEHALF OF CHRIST.  Given for His glory, His honor, His fame.  Because while I can’t choose my circumstances, I sure can choose my response to those circumstances.  And since God’s grace is sufficient and since He promises to bear my burdens and since He has already given me His great comforter (the Holy Spirit), and a body of believers that loves and encourages me, I can choose to respond with joy and thanksgiving that God’s gospel is being advanced and He has chosen me to be a part of that. 

So, no, I am not happy.   But, I am choosing to be joyful.  My circumstances could change tomorrow (a girl can dream), but my God is never changing and He has gifted me belief AND suffering.  They’re a package deal.  My belief makes the suffering possible, worthwhile, endurable.  My suffering, and the Lord’s goodness, faithfulness, and comfort through my suffering, increases my belief.  See? Package deal.  {#choosejoy}  In spite of today’s stinky circumstances, choose joy in light of eternity.

She's Baaack

A lot has happened since my last entry.  A lot.

1. I have loved.  And lost.  Still on the fence about whether that's better than never having loved at all. (Joking.  Kind of.)
2. I don't run anymore.  Call it a marathon hangover.  I have, however, developed a love/hate relationship with Shaun T and his "Insanity."
3. I was diagnosed with several health conditions.  Top offender: Candida.  Which led to a complete diet overhaul.  One that is neither fun nor easy to stick to.  But, has made me quite the kitchen experimenter.
4. Kind of like they say taste buds develop/change as you grow older-my interests/hobbies have developed and changed over the last 14 months.  I am now a lover of all things (tastefully) crafty and DIY.  This girl is even on the market for a sewing machine!
5. I took myself "off the grid."  Okay, clearly not completely.  But no more Facebook or Instagram (I never tweeted anyway).  I did succumb to the common addiction known as Pinterest.  I think that has a direct correlation to #4.

It's funny, curiously funny, to reminisce on 14 months ago and view the major changes in my life from that time compiled into a neat and tidy list,  (It's how I prefer my life, neat and tidy.) and to realize that 14 months fits into 5 bullet points.  The most life-changing, heart-wrenching, strength-growing 14 months of my life succinctly stated in 5 little talking points that take less than a minute to read.  And then to realize everything has changed and yet nothing has changed.

I am still a passionate God-girl.  Hopefully, likely, even more so now than then.  By necessity, really.  It's funny how He does that-turns our neat and tidy bullet-pointed lives upside down so our only sure stability is Him.  We realize He truly is ALL we can place our hope and assurance in-because He knows and we learn even the surest of the sure will still fail us, but His love never will.

I am still a teacher.  I still love these kids and their pure, innocent, trust.  This year I told my fifteen dear 4th graders that on my birthday I was turning 105.  Nary a one batted an eye.  I am sure that dinner table conversation was amusing.  But, I think, in their eyes, I am their teacher; therefore, I do not lie.  Even about my age.  They believe me-for better or worse.  What a reminder then, to point them always back to the source of all truth-truth that will set them free-Jesus Christ!

I still love sports.  However, now rather than grading papers during games-I craft!  I make jewelry, or wreaths, or work in my Smashbook, or peruse Pinterest for more ideas.  All while commentating on the games and perhaps yelling a few times at the TV.  Some would call me the epitome of an oxymoron.  I like to think of it as versatile, well-rounded, and even talented.

And, clearly, I am still long winded.  While I can make succinct lists-I always have to go and elaborate!  If you're still with me-Thanks-will you do me a favor and follow me?! (--> right side of the screen)  I do love writing and have used this blog in the past for many "soap box" episodes, my hope is to be a bit more practical in the future.  I want to share craft ideas and how-to's, Candida/sugar free recipes and resources, teacher stuff, Insanity (and other fitness) motivation and amusing stories (although the amusing Insanity stories are truthfully purely for the enjoyment of my BFF, Jessi), etc.  However, if you know me you will know I am nothing if not honest-so in the spirit of truthfulness I should remind you I am the daughter of a pastor and if something will preach-better believe I am climbing right back on my soapbox!  It's just, this time, my soapbox will be so much cuter since I made it myself out of an upcycled pallet and decorated it with scrapbook paper-all ideas I found on Pinterest.

Vulnerable. So be it.