I am not Happy

Ya'll, I am not happy.  I haven’t been happy in a really long time.  There have been moments of happiness-highlights, memories, delight, but as a collective whole-I’m wholly unhappy.   I read Ann Voskamp.  I learned how to make eloquent lists of things to be thankful for, although, in full disclosure, chasing the moon never made my list.  I still wasn’t happy.  I shopped.  A lot.  I have a pretty cute wardrobe these days, I mean if I do say so myself.  Still unhappy.  I ate.  Then I exercised.  Endorphins, chocolate or exercise induced, didn’t matter.  Nothing changed.  Still not happy.  I won’t go into a whole lot of detail, but as far as I’m concerned, my circumstances kind of stink.  I don’t care for them.  In the least.  And no amount of counting my blessings, shopping, eating, or exercising is going to change my circumstances.  So, I remain unhappy. 

I know, what a Debbie Downer I am today.  I mean, we are mere months away from the “most wonderful time of the year.”  And for heaven’s sake, football season is in full swing and there is a college play -off this year…I mean, how can I not be happy?  Because, happiness is completely dependent upon my circumstances, dependent upon (most) things that I have absolutely no control over-and remember, those circumstances?  Yea, they stink.  But, thank heavens, (no really, thank heavens!)  my joy has absolutely nothing  to do with my circumstances.     In an ironic twist of Sovereignty, our women’s Bible study at my church this fall has a one word, monosyllabic title: Joy.  I have been reminded that joy, most often in the Bible is an action; it’s a verb.  It is less often an emotion or feeling, because JOY, has NOTHING to do with my situation and EVERYTHING to do with my eternity.  Joy is a choice, an action, based solely on my eternal hope and my inward salvation.  Joy comes from a right relationship with my Lord and Savior.  And here’s the truth that I really didn’t want to be reminded of: my circumstances are God-ordained.  Those outward situations that are making me less than happy, those are all part of God’s great-big, gospel purpose in my life and quite possibly, hopefully, in others’ lives. 

The apostle Paul writes all about joy and rejoicing in Philippians, and as a quick reminder, he was writing that book from prison.  Talk about less than ideal circumstances.  It was Philippians 1: 29 that got me, “ For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ, not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for Him…”  My belief in my Savior is a grace gift, but ummm, my suffering is also a grace gift?  A gift ON BEHALF OF CHRIST.  Given for His glory, His honor, His fame.  Because while I can’t choose my circumstances, I sure can choose my response to those circumstances.  And since God’s grace is sufficient and since He promises to bear my burdens and since He has already given me His great comforter (the Holy Spirit), and a body of believers that loves and encourages me, I can choose to respond with joy and thanksgiving that God’s gospel is being advanced and He has chosen me to be a part of that. 

So, no, I am not happy.   But, I am choosing to be joyful.  My circumstances could change tomorrow (a girl can dream), but my God is never changing and He has gifted me belief AND suffering.  They’re a package deal.  My belief makes the suffering possible, worthwhile, endurable.  My suffering, and the Lord’s goodness, faithfulness, and comfort through my suffering, increases my belief.  See? Package deal.  {#choosejoy}  In spite of today’s stinky circumstances, choose joy in light of eternity.